Today I write

Today I write a ten minute journal entry at the insistence of the author of a new book I downloaded from Amazon.com.
A journal is derived from the French word, jour, meaning day. So there is a connection between journal and journey. A journey is a day's travel; a journal, a days writing.
I feel somewhat blue, a little foggy headed, a little overtaken by the regrets of life. I look somewhat wistfully at the paths that I have not taken, and secondguess where I would be if I had chosen other than I have done. Where was my brain when I needed it most?
I wonder whether I will come back into the light; I am afraid to think these thoughts, to ponder them deeply, I judge them as unworthy of my high character. But deep within I know I am NOT of high character, I am of mean impulsive and poorly thought out activities, grabbing my desired outcomes and to heck with the needs of others.
Have I learned the emotional lessons that are here for me? Can I tranform my sadnesses into educational rocks on the road, and travel the higher ground from here on out?
It is winter, the snow is on the ground, on the street, and in my soul. I want God to touch my life and sweep out the cobwebs of my soul, to erase my painful memories and make me whole. And please do it in the next ten minutes.
And I am an illusion chaser, an envier of other lives, better lived than mine, with greater rewards and fewer headaches, and huge circles of friends of noble character. The world is in turmoil, but that is none of my business. My business is to steward over the soup within that gives my soul flavor.